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My (not so) secret hopes for a zombie outbreak

March 23, 2010

Click picture to see article with funny zombie haiku

Come on, don’t tell me that you have never thought about it. With the countless number of zombie movies, you can’t help but think of what you would do (what you will do) when the time comes. Aside from all the people dying and constantly being scared for your life, it would be kind of cool. Basically, if you take away the zombie part, the situation is a dream situation. You get to do whatever you want! Lets ignore the fact that there are people out there who would do bad things, and just focus on the fun aspect.

  • You get to raid grocery stores – think of all the food! I would have SO many bags of Salt and Vinegar Chips. And other assorted snacks and candy
  • You can go into everyone’s house and explore! I am totally down for finding some secret passageways in someone’s house or visiting famous peoples homes and just going nuts. Haha
  • Subpart to the one above – you can visit monuments and actually see the cool parts – parts that are closed to the public. Whats with that?!
  • No need to work or go to school!
  • Money loses value. This is good because I have none.

Now comes the strategy part of it. I would LOVE to plan out how I am going to survive. In fact I usually do think about it when I zone out.  I imagine intricate situations where the first zombie attack strikes. I hear about it. I run home, hole up for day surviving on whatever food I have. Eventually I plan out a run the grocery store, take whatever I need. Possibly kill a zombie or two on the way there and back BOOM headshot. Minus the boom because I will be using a sword instead (no joke – I found a sword in my apartment.) So I guess, SLASH/STAB headshot. Anywho, think about it. It might prove helpful some day.

Disclaimer: I don’t actually want a zombie outbreak (unless all my friends and family could be ok, then bring it on!)

Please watch:

28 Days Later
28 Weeks Later
Resident Evil
Quarantine/Rec
Shaun of the Dead
Zombie Land

And I recommend reading

What zombie movies teach us about life
Zombie survival flowchart lays it all out for you
NEW!!! Photos of me and my trusty sword
Click photos to see them bigger

No joke, this is how I found it

See ya later zombie

you wanna go?

12 Comments leave one →
  1. chrislipjournal permalink
    March 23, 2010 3:31 pm

    Aha, at last someone’s pointed out the bright side of zombie-ism! We’ve had the occasional zombie show up on our blog, too.🙂

    Rob Hanson of the Chrislip Journal

  2. March 23, 2010 3:40 pm

    My roomate tried to make me watch those films… Everytime, I hid myself, and stop watching because I’m too scared… (Poor little girl!!)

    Anyway, if it had to happen… I think I’d take a sword too because I’m quite good at it ! (don’t ask me why ! just watch : http://bit.ly/awKOaf )

    But…. how the hell did you find a sword in your appartment ????!!!!!

  3. caseyjerk permalink*
    March 23, 2010 3:46 pm

    HAHA I might have to take you with me. I forgot that part, its important to recrute some good fighters!

    As for the sword, I don’t know – I am subletting from a guy, and I found a sword in the corner! Although, it says “fabriqué en espagne” so I don’t think it is that real. I will have to include a picture later haha!

  4. March 23, 2010 5:06 pm

    Still impressed !
    I’d like to find something like that in my appartment too… All I found is a vacuum cleaner… Pity !

  5. Anonymous permalink
    March 23, 2010 5:21 pm

    LOL
    thank god i have you around coming up with all these strategies just in case there is an outbreak

    except for that one time when i was in the hospital and you said that’s the last place you wanted to be if there ever was one…not cool casey, not cool

    p.s. guess who😛

  6. Dan pino permalink
    March 23, 2010 9:30 pm

    Dude my plan for the zompocolypse is as follows. Get on a bike. Go to the closest wal-mart super center. Lock all doors. Done.

    I also recommend reading world war z (follow up to zombie survival guide) and seeing the newer Dawn of the Dead. Also playing the video game Dead Rising.

  7. caseyjerk permalink*
    March 23, 2010 9:47 pm

    Haha @Alina – its true! Hospitals are the worst. Whenever you go in with a group of people, you come out with at least one less living living person and one more living dead person. sorry – but in your case I don’t even think the zombies would chance going near you in the condition you were in! HA

    @Dan – Not for me at all! I would go to super walmart and take everything / as much as I could and bring it back to my place. I would always be freaking creeped out and you know that there is just some crazy walmart employee that will be there and try to control everything. as welll as the crazy zombie walmart employee who will be in some random room or aisle (probably where the best food is) and pop up and bite you.

  8. March 23, 2010 10:12 pm

    I think out of those movies Zombie Land and Shaun of the Dead are the most accurate portrayal of real zombies. I can’t stand it when these cracked out directors show zombies sprinting after prey and working collaboratively with their fellow brain munchers. That’s just not how these cats operate.

  9. caseyjerk permalink*
    March 23, 2010 10:16 pm

    Well I like the idea of zombies being able to sprint. I feel like if they just died / got turned, there is no reason why they shouldn’t be able to run. Plus it makes everything more scary!

    PS love that we are talking about what an accurate portrayal of real zombies would be

  10. Anonymous permalink
    March 24, 2010 4:36 am

    “My fire strategy is the exact opposite of my zombie strategy”

    Miss you🙂

  11. Stud permalink
    March 25, 2010 5:14 pm

    Not a bad list. You might also want to add Dawn of the Dead and The Crazies to the movie list. Dawn of the Dead was really good and The Crazies was ok. The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection from the Living Dead should definitely be add to your the book list. This saved my ass more time then I can remember!!!

  12. SADANGLE permalink
    March 31, 2010 6:26 pm

    first, if you like slow moving zombies and totally sweet endings, watch Night of the Living Dead. old black and white that’s totally rager. its super suspense with great characters.

    anyway, i’m totally for zombie outbreaks. i’m not too worried about my family and friends, as I like to think I associate with only zombie-resilient people. i think all my friends would kick ass in this situation. like Sgt Steele from blackhawk down. no bullshit and tough as nails.

    for food i’d probably depend on eating zombies i kill. if you cook them thoroughly, you wouldn’t become a zombie yourself, would you? its like salmonela. dies when cooked.

    anyway this is a dumb post of mine so go watch Night of the Living Dead.

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